How to deal with death of a loved one
Have you lost someone you love? Someone you spent many of your best days and nights with? Someone who seemed invincible. Untouchable. Someone, you thought, assumed, hoped, would be there, always. And then one day, they are gone.
In some cases, there is no goodbye, no thank you for everything. No closure.
In the best cases, you know it's coming. You have a small amount of precious time, to say what you meant to say. To say goodbye.
You say goodbye,
You make your peace. As best you can.
Before they go, you thank the one you love with words of kindness. Words of thanks.
You reminisce of all the good times.
And then, one of two things enter your mind:
If you are lucky, if you planned accordingly, if you understood the gravity of it all:
1. YOU WERE READY FOR DEATH: As best as you could be, as hard as it was, you realized before it happened, that this moment, with all its pain, hurt, and agony, would eventually come. As the moment drew nearer, time increased in speed. You couldn't slow it down. Then, it happened.
2. YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, YOU DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS POSSIBLE: This unfortunately, is how most of us live. Most of us don't want to talk about death. Thing about death. Or imagine a world without the ones we love. It's too painful of an idea to grasp. So, we ignore it. Until one day, it is too late. And then it happens. They are gone.
In which of these two scenarios do you want to find yourself in the next time death comes calling?
THE SOLUTION as best as we can make it, is to do this one thing
IMAGINE THE WORLD WITHOUT THEM. IMAGINE THAT THEY ARE GONE. While they are still on this earth, healthy, well, happy, full of years ahead, you take a moment, and imagine what you'd miss the most if they were gone.
THEN you realize something, THEY WILL be gone. Someday.
SO, with this new found and sad scenario realized, you do the following
A. You had a conversation with the one you loved about death, about life and about everything in between.
B. You asked them what they wanted to do with you before they died. And you asked yourself the same question.
C. If you have a family or kids, or extended love ones, you ask for their input too. You consolidate ideas and make some big decisions together, if you can.
D. Then, with this new found knowledge, you created a "before they're gone" bucket list of things to do together, before it's too late.
E. You executed on your list. You make it happen. You compromise if necessary. You find a way to start checking each item off.
F. You start spending that extra bit of time with them, just taking in their essence, their spirit. Saving the moment in your mind.
Then, no matter what happens next...
YOU FIND YOUR PEACE
E. Even if it all doesn't go to plan, you know you tried your best, and well, if it all didn't go to plan, you went into it eyes wide open.
YOU KNOW THESE TRUTHS...
While they were on this earth, you loved them, and they felt your love.
You created the experiences that matter the most.
It wasn't perfect, some things didn't go to plan, but it all came from a place of love.
Of course you don't want to see them go, BUT you know you made the most of your time with them on the planet. You say goodbye knowing you gave
You took time to talk about death. You played out the scenarios of the future and you took what little control you could take.
Before it happens, before any mourning begins, while they are still alive, you made it all a priority.
Because you loved them, and they loved you.